The other night my daughter had a bad dream. She can usually go right to bed that night, it's the next night. The next night she completely stalls bedtime, does not want me to leave the room, and ... oh yeh ... wants me to take care of the snake trying to eat her. In that moment she trusts nothing and has no ability to self soothe or fall asleep. It really doesn't matter what logic you use, "snakes do not even exist in our neighborhood and have no way of entering this house." "Snakes are way smaller than you and can't eat you whole ... no they don't skin you, that's not a thing they do ... well it's a thing THEY do but that's called 'molting' and it's only like twice a year but it's completely natural and necessary for growing ... kind of like when you lose your teeth....NO! The snakes are not going to molt YOU!! No, you are not MOLTING! Your new teeth coming in are not snake teeth!!"
It's pointless to use logic when we're in this state. When we are in a stress response our brain will not even let us be rational, it's in a heightened state of protection. Negative thoughts or hyper responses, a response which reside in our reptile brain, are meant to save our lives if we're in a real state of danger. "I'm in danger I have to run" ... "a scaly predator is near I have to stay awake to protect myself." These thoughts come in real quick. They enter usually at very inconvenient times and are never planned. Whether it's when your brain is quiet and your about to fall asleep or sitting at a Thanksgiving dinner table and something triggering is said.
I noticed what helps my little one settle down to the point she can finally close her eyes, is switching the subject to something exciting to look forward to the next day. "Remember tomorrow I pick you up early to go to swim lessons!" Or "this weekend is that birthday party with all your friends! Think about what you want to get them for their birthday." Yeh sure if I'm desperate I'll go into the emergency stash, "This just in! Tomorrow I'm putting Halloween candy in your lunchbox!"
The other thing that helps is giving her a favorite stuffy, which we all know is BatCat...half BAT and half CAT! The ultimate snake fighting sidekick!! I explained to her that BatCat will help her when she gets to the scary part of the dream. We all know BatCats hate snakes! They are immune to snake venom and just like Batman or Inigo Montoya from Princess Bride, they are on a vengeance to kill their sworn enemy. BatCat is your secret weapon.
In the moment I'm just doing whatever I knew worked in the past, without realizing it these are actual tools therapist use on kids AND ADULTS with anxiety, depression, and symptoms of PTSD. In this situation it was just one bad dream, just a blip. Luckily our little dreamer isn't dealing with anything too chronic. However if you are ever feeling chronic anxiety or PTSD sneak up on you or a loved one, there are tools we can all practice, similar to focusing on that birthday party you're excited for or holding onto BatCat for protection. It's called Cue Centered Therapy.
Dr. Victor Carrión is the Director of the Stanford Early Life Stress and Resilience Program, specializing in PTSD, and said after learning more about stress and the frontal cortex, Cue Centered Therapy was developed and is super effective. It's the idea that you have an empty tool box and is then filled with tools that YOU yourself come up with and use when you feel anxiety come on. Tools that are inside you and help deploy stress responses. It is crucial you come up with your own tools so you regain that sense of control and empowerment.
The tool can be more contextual, a physical anchor that you know you always have access to. Kind of like Noemie's half bat and half cat stuffie. For some folks it's the anxiety pill in the pocket. Just knowing the pill is there, whether you need it or not, brings a sense of control when you're out in the wild. When you're in an environment that triggers feelings you can't control, you know it's in your pocket and you can take care of yourself. Even knowing you have a friend or your therapist's number in your phone, whether you need them or not, you have someone that says "I'm here when you're ready to talk." That's another tool in your box. My oldest brother has associated feelings of social anxiety and dehydration. So when he feels nervous about his surrounding he starts to physically feel like he is dehydrated and panic. So for him it's as simple as carrying a water bottle (...well and hydration tablets, military grade canteens, and a coiled garden hose he keeps in the back of his car). Whether he needs it or not, that's his physical anchor. Whatever your BatCat is that is going to help you rest at night.
Thinking more positively is another crucial tool. Definitely works for my daughter, when she can't sleep. Dr. Carrión says positive thoughts are not automatic though, especially when we're anxious. So he has his clients practice positive thoughts. Which seems so cliché but if it is truly practiced, like learning a string instrument, it does start to become more automatic. If practicing positive thinking still does not come easily [refer to my earlier blog on cynicism] having positive experiences in your routine can help encourage positive thoughts. Going to concerts, reading a good book, hanging out with friends, playing league sports, or working out with your community. Anything that encourages being present and mindful, where you have to reassess the moment. Dr. Carrión said if you were to think of it in cognitive behavioral terms, it's breaking that chain of negative thoughts - which is many times how panic attacks happen. When there are too many negative thoughts in a row so it skews reality and overwhelms the moment.
So it's less about the type of tools, it's knowing you can choose what works for you and you always have them. Just the action of digging into your own tool box gives a pause to the stress response. It gives you a response instead of a reaction. Texting a friend and making plans to hang out soon or checking the Pilatecise schedule to reserve a class ... already you've broken the negative chain.
I feel this is relevant lately, as I can feel it and see it in our body language walking into the studio, there is more of an anxious energy. Where we are teetering into our stress responses. What would usually be considered a small problem is met with a higher stakes response. Some clients and friends have open up to me about having a recent panic attack, and feeling more overwhelmed than usual. For a variety of reasons, we're all collectively carrying a heavier load and might for the first time, or a long time, need to peak into our tool box. Either dig up old tools that have helped us before, or come up with new tools.
As we head into the holidays and enter what could be triggering social events, I'm just here to remind you to use the studio and me as a tool in your toolbox anytime. The space is yours to breathe in and the movements are yours to release in. I'll be here, like your personal BatCat to help be your physical anchor. Remind you to be present and press pause during negative pile ons. Just as I witness bodies looking tense and distracted on the way in, I also witness the stress dissolve, and foreheads unfurrow, as class progresses. So we all leave feeling more present and lighter.
This Thanksgiving I'm teaching more than usual because I know the need for mental and physical releases is in demand more than ever. I teach a regular schedule on Tuesday and Wednesday, focusing on fun brewing muscle build ups, like a turkey basting, followed by cathartic cool downs. Thanksgiving morning will be a deep spiraly and sweaty Butterball Burn. A virtual mat class that you and your loved ones can zoom in and join! It'll feel like a huge release before we feast. Then Friday we will do thoughtful and deep restorative work that will help in digestion and overall recovery.
So even if we're sitting at a holiday dinner surrounded by uncertainty and unpredictability, we have mindful responses and not mindless reactions. We feel stronger and more secure knowing our toolboxes are full and our heads are clear. We feel fully supported in our bodies and not weighed down.
In the spirit of Thanksgiving I also want to thank you ALL for being my sense of support and a big tool in my toolbox. Just as much as you rely on me to recharge you and give you relief from the hard stuff happening in the world, you do the same for me. Your beautiful energy gives me the fuel to be able to keep smiling and do what I do. Your my BatCat just as much as I might be your's!
Excited to make your bodies sweat, smile, buff up our tool boxes, sweat out the stress, unload our anxiety...then load up our plates. Happy Thanksgiving!
Xo,
Celeste
Comments