T-minus 4 DAYS until we take off for our 3 week adventure in Berlin. Here's when that ticking clock is mounted and embedded in my brain, like the oversized display clock on the side of a track during the Olympic 60 meter dash.
That feeling of needing to get a looooong list of things done on a short runway. The runway feels like it's starting to tilt downward - so now it's a slick aluminum slide.
What's disorienting about pretravel for a bigger overseas trip is you have to exist in two worlds at once. Being present in your present world (work, parenting, household upkeep, potted green creature upkeep, peeing whiskered creature upkeep) making sure you have them all squared away ... AND existing in the world you're about to enter. Thinking of what we need in that flying metal capsule to the upside down world, where the time zones and circadian rhythms get flipped. Thinking and prepping for all the imaginable and unimaginable things. Trying to put ourselves Berlin, in every scenario and assessing what we would need. So basically living in some alternate universe where we're existing in both worlds at once. Never full present in either. I feel like Marty in Back to The Future Part III (which after watching all three of them, Noemie has concluded that's her favorite one). At the end the time machine brings Marty back safely to 1985 but he's still walking around in his Western outfit from 1885. That's me. I'm Michael J. Fox here in Seattle, in this time zone, but also disoriented living simultaneously in another place and time. Wearing a cowboy hat and a tacky western outfit fresh out of the costumes department.
Then there's my husband with his own separate to do list, deadlines, and supplies for the trip. Of course Noemie has her own pressing needs and VERY specific items that need to be packed...including empty kleenex boxes and jewelry boxes she dumped upside down to become beds for her stuffies. So yes, lots of moving parts, busy humans with specific needs, that all need to be packed and zipped up before we board that plane on Friday. What's helping me a whole lot though, giving me pause and calm and even EDIT as I prepare this week, is thinking of a podcast I listened to about anxiety and assuming what "future you" would want. The idea being you haven't met "future you" yet to even know what you would need. Your needs now could look very different from "future you." I found an old preamble where I wrote about this. I was in a very similar state, prepping for a trip and planning for an unknown adventure. I'm going to do another call back and repost this one, I find it so relevant and helpful. Hopefully if you're walking around delirious in a Western outfit, living in the past but in the present, trying to decide for future you, it will help you too.
Written January 15th 2024
"Hi my Monarchs, Dingy Skippers, Blue Winged Geese, Cackling Geese ... Black Ants!
This will be a shorter unconventional week for both virtual and in studio pilatecising. I'm adjusting to the new schedule shift, plus a trip at the end of the week. Whenever your schedule shifts and your body is challenged in a pattern it's not used to, it's normal for it to move slower, even fully pause, to reroute. Like when you drive somewhere with complicated directions for the first time, you drive slower. Lean forward with a tight grip on the steering wheel so you don't miss the exit. Also similar to when your software updates. The screen goes black with a spinning wheel, turns off anything running, so all the energy goes towards resetting and updating. It's when we are used to a route and the systems have been running the same old way for a long time, that's when we can move at a clip and can be in autopilot. Convenient and kind of necessary for a smooth daily routine, maintaining that harmonious multitask. However it's not good for us in the long term to never stop to reassess and reset. Because much like our software, we will over (or under) function and crash.
Last night my husband and I had a talk about THE FUTURE. Which unfortunately is something we don't get a chance to discuss much. We're so consumed in the present. Race helmets on, zooming in our own lanes, the same routes driven at the same speeds. Never taking the time to stop and evaluate if these speed limits and energy exerted is sustainable. Because let's face it, change is uncertain and uncertainty is terrifying. In fact there are studies that prove humans on a daily basis go to irrational lengths to avoid uncertainties. So we decided to be daring last night and open up an oversized road map, (in our case a globe!), pin our destination together, and research better routes and a system in place to get us there.
What is really fascinating about FUTURE talk is we have different personalities and perspectives on how we might see an outcome. My husband and I especially! He is a Pessimist-Catastrophist (what I call a Pistachiophist. Because last night he was actually cracking open pistachios on the couch while shooting down my ideas) while I have the blind determination and optimism of Pepé Le Pew. However no matter how many ways we try to predict, strategize, and conceptualize the future, we still can't take our current mindset out of it. We forget, in fact everyone does, that we are a super complicated evolving species. The Future us will most likely not respond or feel the same way as the Present us. Some of the paralyzing fears we had going into something will most likely not be a factor once we get there.
Knowing to give our Future selves more credit when we head into a big change. Those issues we tirelessly argued over, will probably not be an issue for Future self. Those extreme measures we put in place to protect Present selves just become expensive emotional insurance we don't need.
Unlike ants and geese, we do not have the ability to predict and switch directions with ease. Where they use a Celestial compass, wind, and pheromones to effortlessly reroute their path, we pull out a google calendar and panic over all the conflicting traffic jams. Then have long exhausting negotiations with our fellow species, trying to conclude what our future, the words on a grid, look like. Then with much resistance we MIGHT compromise and pivot, while cursing under our breath. Our species is definitely the worst cognitive forecaster of them all. Which is why we need that necessary pause when we reset. In the moment it might feel like a long lasting brain fart, spread into all our mechanics and sense of direction. We usually worry when we feel this shutting and slowing down. That inevitable discomfort adjusting to change. This is part of a series of processes that evolve you into Future self. Think of it less as a step back and more as a necessary cocooning.
This week let's not be afraid when our screens go dark and the wheels spin. Take your time getting your bearings before you reset. I always queue before a big cardio or balance move ... find the ground first. That's all that is. Center yourself before driving into that intimidating move. Don't be like Past me, who ran off cliffs like a cartoon in a chase scene. Maintaining speed in midair, until I looked down.
Excited to make your bodies sweat, smile, and stay patient with Present self while having faith in Future self!
XO!
Celeste "
“Do you know that when you are in love, it is impossible to get insurance?!”
— Pepe Le Pew
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