Broke With a Live Dream or Rich With a Dream That's Broken?

I had a humbling setback last week. I applied for a teaching job outside my hours at the studio. A huge, shiny corporate gym that struts around with the trendiest accessories and blingy gear. Usually not what I go for, but I convinced myself this is what I need to have more stability and a predictable income. Positive with my reputation and experience, I was likely to get it. I even started telling people about it as a way of pumping myself up for the big adjustment towards a more corporate culture. Only to receive an email that the "hiring team has not selected you for further consideration for this role at this time." I was SO shocked, SO confused, and full of questions. At the same time, I'm very familiar with this feeling.

I always knew, probably since I was a kid, that my approach to things is a bit niche. In art class, and at my small lunch table of precious loyal friends, this was praised. In the schoolyard, however, this was met with a pause and long stares. My mismatched clothes, a collision of very distinct accents, and complete disregard for what anyone thought of me caused mass confusion. Some were intrigued and stayed close to get to know me - maybe even call it "cool." Some didn't know how to categorize me, and that was terrifying, so they ran the other way calling it "weird."

Being the new kid (many times), I got used to this process of inclusion/elimination and knew not to take it personally. Just be patient and know the ones I'm meant to be friends with will stick around, and the ones that wouldn't dare accept me weren't for me anyway. However, every now and then, I will doubt myself and try for the thing: the elite club, the cliquier crew, the corporate job that's hard to get into. I will convince myself that I also need their approval, win them over with a more conventional approach, to break into an easier way of existing. In the schoolyard, it might be listening to the same music and wearing the type of clothes the popular kids were wearing - the trendy accessories and blingy gear. Even though I can't afford it and deep inside I think it's lame. It might work for a little bit, but the truth is I liked my obscure music and absurd outfits better. I missed my tiny lunch table of buddies with no drama - where we laughed harder than all the tables around us. It felt seamless and mutual. I felt protected from the pauses, long stares, and comments that stung.

My creative perspective and niche skillset have now become a big part of my professional career. I'm proud of my teaching approach and the number of years it took to hone what I do. I also love the other field I'm in, where I get to be part of movie magic. The wizardry both behind the green curtain and on the green screens of film and TV. However, I'll still have days when self-doubt creeps up. When my inboxes get quiet because AI is trying to replace work demand, low attendance because folks are becoming busier, feast or famine just got more famished. I'm aware being niche means I'm not going to be for everyone. So when there's too many of those days, I feel I need to do the watered-down thing that is less inspiring but has greater appeal.

So here we are. I tried for the thing: the elite club, the cliquier crew, the corporate job. After getting the standard pause, a long stare, and a response that stung, something kind of amazing happened. That same day, I had my beautiful Imperfetta event. So after licking my wounds and feeling quite rejected, I had to pull myself together to teach a canal-side Pilates event. It's a pop-up event, which means pop-up attendance, so I can never predict who for sure is going to show. This time, and this never happens, it was an all-star cast of clients and friends. The absolute BEST showed up. It was my precious, loyal lunch table. Where it's seamless and mutual... and trust me, we laugh louder than all the other tables. It felt like such a strong message after the kind of day I had - a big hug to the system. A reminder that I'm not for everyone... and that's okay. Because it allows me to be everything to the people that ARE here for me.

This week in the studio, I just want to show my gratitude to my incredible clientele—you all. You really are the best there is, with the most genuine, generous, caring energies. Even outside the studio, everyone stays in touch and looks out for each other, which makes my heart so happy. That right there is the best possible outcome and proudest product of the studio. Even if you do pause, give me that long stare, and conclude I'm weird, (which happens quite often), you don't run the other way. You see the value in it. Which makes me forever grateful to you all.

Also! By the way ... weird IS cool!

I want to finish with a poem I stumbled on last week, another message from the universe, by an Irish author and poet named Daragh Fleming. He's incredible to listen to. I think it's a beautiful tribute, a war cry, to all the creatives, artists, small business owners, anyone that's chosen a more unconventional path. It's been a really tough year for us. Our path can feel very isolating but know there's a population that needs you, a community that values you. Even if they are not in numbers, they have volume. Mine definitely laugh the loudest.

The Game is Rigged

Daragh Fleming

This Game is rigged

If you go into this with aspirations to

Make lots of money with the notion that

You might actually make a living from this work

I wish you the best of luck

And it can happen.

But it will take years of scraping together

Enough money to get by

While your roommates struggle to choose

Between which six figure salary they want.

It will be a Road Shrouded with Doubts.

You'll reach an age where people are

Getting married, buying houses, having kids.

None of which you can do

Because you can't afford it.

So to make this work it will take a Titanic effort.

Unbreaking perservance and delusional self belief.

There will be breakdowns

Breakups

Thousands of nights where

You almost give up,

Pack it in,

Take a normal job.

Accept your fate as part of a

System that was never

Designed for minds like yours

In the first place.

You'll be financially secure,

But your soul will be corrupted be spreadsheets

And KPI's, corporate speak and quarterly projections

And only then will you truly be able to say

"which is worse?"

To be broke with a live dream

Or rich with a dream that's broken?

So when it happens and you've figured it out

Give me a shout

Because there's work to be done.

We're not meant for the Real World

Living to Conform with the others was never

Gonna work out.

Excited to make your bodies sweat, smile, and may you see the richness in your nicheness.

XO,

Celeste