The Jolly before the Holly. The Bite before the Frost. The Kringle before the Kris. The Cracker before the NUT! 'Tis the season to get so ahead of yourself, the proverbial "Cart before the Horse" - that you miss the whole point!
Last week was all about quieting your schedule and loosening your expectations so we have more room for unplanned joy. Lifting your eyes up off that list so we are more present, not buried in presents. However, this is easier said than done. Especially in my orbit, I seem to surround myself with more stubbornly molded humans, ages ranging from 6 to 76. They are highly intelligent with very strong principles, which are all admirable traits. However, it can be a tricky personality trait during the holidays, a time that requires compromising and taking your foot off the pedal.
In this case it's not just going too fast to notice the beautiful lulls and contentment within us - it's being too stuck. Too set in your ways to make room for special exceptions. On a regular day, when you can exist in your cozy world and live on your island, you can kind of get away with it. However, holidays, or really any unique event, are when cracks start to show. Because now the routine as you know it is being tampered with, your precious process is now squeezed, your strong views are being challenged or just kindly asked to flex by loved ones, and any extra elbow room is now shared by in-laws. Holidays can be a hard time for many and an unexpected obstacle for the stubborn. This includes close descendants of stubbornness: O.C.D., perfectionists, the anxious, or what my family has been known for—procrastination!
The irony is that the stubborn usually don't easily admit to being stubborn (too stubborn). However, the true test is when you see a hole being dug, like the size of the Grand Canyon, between knowing what you need to do and actually DOING it. Seeing that the holidays involve a lot of DOING to express our love - this can be hard. Because it doesn't matter how strong or good the intentions are, does it make it under the tree? On Christmas? WRAPPED!? If your family is not big on presents, then does it make it to Christmas dinner? Dressed? WELL BEHAVED!?!
One Christmas I opened a present to find a piece of paper with a picture of the thing I wanted. It was circled. Next to the circled picture was a long explanation as to why it's not here yet. As a parent now I completely get it, it's not easy procure all the things by a certain popular deadline. Santa is TRYING! But Santa can also be stuck in the same stubborn process. Procrastinating, not delegating, and then pushed for time.
So yes, even disguised wearing bells and thistles, being a stubborn Yule mule really shows during this time.
What I find helpful to overcome this, both as someone with stubborn habits and living with the seriously stubborn, is taking the list and flipping it on its head. Working backwards. I ask myself what I want the end result to be this holiday. How do I want to finish off my 2024 (which CAN be different from previous years)? Then I backtrack to get there, as opposed to just falling into a holiday autopilot, the same stuck traditions that may no longer serve me. Then having my family members do the same thing. Putting clarity in front of compulsive reactions can redirect the course. I noticed my three favorite podcasts, even with very different topics, have this exact same solution.
Peter Attitia's podcast on Exercise, Nutrition, Hormones for Vitality & Longevity is about what he calls "backcasting" instead of forecasting. This idea of seeing a very detailed picture of your ideal future and working backwards. Instead of looking at some event next month, or what you've been wanting to undo from the last 2 months. He asks all his patients what they want the last 10 years of their life to look like, what he's calling their "marginal decade." Then coming up with a fitness regimen (more of a forever lifestyle) that will get them there. Looking at the whole map, finding your destination, then working backwards to get there. As opposed to what I'm guilty of, only using driving navigation. Just moving to the nearest post. I don't even know the destination address to get there again, and when I inevitably get lost I have no idea how to pivot.
Then there's David Goggins on How to Build Immense Inner Strength. He's so insane. Talk about someone who has a very clear idea of where he wants to go, works backward, and doesn't let anyone get in his way. However, what he says is very simple, and his words are haunting in the best way. He's all about setting yourself up for success by being very realistic. Having a VERY detailed, even "ugly," picture of your ideal future and how to get there. Expect it to be hard. Expect only you, and you alone, to get there. It's about being accountable to yourself—which might be the hardest person to be accountable to.
The most recent podcast, a current favorite, is Morgan Housel's The Psychology of Money to Gain Greater Happiness. In short, Housel says money in itself is not making anyone happy. It's what it brings. It's important to ask yourself what it is about money that truly makes you happy, then work back from there. In many cases, it's not the big house; it's actually having enough space to fit the whole family and extended family to build memories together. Once this goal is identified, then our relationship with money, and the amount of time spent trying to make money, is refocused and improves.
In all these podcasts, the underlying theme is the ability to change course and even the most stubborn perspective because you have more clarity on where you are going. It's a reminder of how strong your love is for something, and it's a love worth changing for. There's a Moth story that sums this up perfectly. The storyteller was a man who lost his father, went blind, and grew up to be a father himself. But in true Moth fashion, his story had nothing to do with that.
The story worthy story he chose was about his struggles cooking a holiday meal. How he was trying to impress his father-in-law and make his Brazilian wife feel more at home on Thanksgiving by cooking a pig instead of a turkey. I won’t go into the story because it’s better to listen to it, but it was definitely a slap stick afternoon finding a whole frozen pig, storing the pig in a small New York apartment, wrestling with the pig, resenting the pig. What he said at the end though was he was so simply put. That the holidays are about loved ones. And love is ultimately about change. He said “I had been resisting change at every corner. If you’re not willing to change…if you’re not willing to give something up, you’ll never get anything new.”
This week and all through the slick sleigh ride into the holidays, in the spirit of "backcasting," we're going to identify our destination first. That ideal pin on the map where you want to land. Then I'm going to lay out a detailed routine, a backwards list, to build muscle stamina, strong bones, quiver through shaky stabilizers, to get you there. So we can move with ease beyond the holidays, New Years, even into the final marginal decade. We can be on a proper track with a clear guide in front of us. You never know, with enough love and motivation maybe even the most stubborn mule will be guiding our sleigh.
Excited to make your bodies sweat, smile, and keep your course merry and bright!
XO!
Celeste
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