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When Stubborn Procrastination is replaced with Committed Resolutions...that's a Revolution



When my daughter comes home with 2 pages of math problems + [add] she has 3 days to complete them - [subtract] she is too distracted and overwhelmed to do them = [equals] 0 math problems have been completed. Then the procrastination x [multiplied] by lack of sleep and / [divided] by the guilt she didn't get anything done, then carried over into the school week = [the sum is] we're in for it.



I think we can all relate. We all go through something similar at the start of the year. We have goals and deadlines we've assigned to ourselves, we get distracted or overwhelmed by it, then none of it gets accomplished. Sometimes because we slide off track a little - we completely blow the whole thing up! Sabotage it.

Because it makes failing more fun when there's drama added to it.

The other response when we feel we're not meeting our goals, we just modify them so they are more doable. When you own the paints to the signs you put up, you can paint over them at any point. This is what our girl seems to be doing with her math homework. It went from "2 pages definitely has to be completed" to "maybe just 1." Now it's just she has do something anywhere on the paper. Interesting how flexible the high bar can be, and bendy the rules can be, so that we still feel good about ourselves. Well, as promised in last week's blog, this week I am reposting my favorite tips on how to stay on track and actually stick to your goals and resolutions. Essentially stay accountable to yourself.


Posted January 1st 2023


We ALL ponder, maybe not announce it or call it a resolution, but we think about how we would want the next carousel ride around the sun to look. 


I'm going to geek out a little here because I listened to a podcast about motivation and resetting behavioral patterns. It's an interview I've referred to before because it's full of so many relatable issues and the neuroscientific goodies to back it up. Dr. Maya Shankar is a Cognitive Scientist and was a Senior Advisor who founded the Social and Behavioral Science Department in the White House. She goes over the research and little tips on what helps people be more successful when they set goals, make resolutions, and break bad habits. Basically, it's learning how to frame our goals, assign our goals, consider the state and place you are in when you set the goal, capitalize on fresh starts, maintain the momentum, and my favorite...plan for buffer days for when you do inevitably slip up.


Goal frames are how we word and frame our goals to ourselves. We either frame them as an Approach Orientation or an Avoidance Orientation. Approach Orientation is adding or bringing something into our life, like "I want to eat healthier" or "I want to make more time for my friends...more of a social life." Avoidance is taking away or stopping something, like "I want to stop eating sweets" or "I want to stop working so much...avoid being lonely." Approach is typically more successful because it's easier to track. It's easier to see the number of times you did something than avoided something. Since Approach Orientation can measure success better, people can feel more rewarded as they go and stay motivated. Avoidance, however, is more urgent and fear-driven, which some people can actually respond to better. So, learn and lean into what goal frame works best for you.


It also makes a difference who is setting your goals. Studies show that when people feel they were in control of their goal and had agency built in, they were more likely to succeed in it. It's why at the end of my classes, I usually give options of two moves for the final hard exercise. Clients work harder when they know they chose it themselves. Professors have learned this too; when they have the student choose their own deadline for their final paper, they are more likely to meet it. So, not just following a goal or the method assigned to you. Preserve agency in your process.


Then there's the state we're in when we're setting a major life change or goal. This, I think, is a super common occurrence. We're fresh off New Year's Eve, and our liquor cabinet and liver have been hit hard, so the next day we decide to give up drinking for the month. If the hangover is really bad, we round it up to "forever." Usually, that's too dramatic and not a realistic state of mind to give it up in a way that's sustainable. Dr. Shankar recommends giving yourself a head start, being in that state you want to sustain, and that's when you set the more ambitious goal. You are more likely to stay away from drinking if you make that resolution at a sobering time. It's more likely you'll stick with a routine of getting up early every morning to work out when you set that goal right after an early morning workout. Otherwise, it is a stretch to make a big jump from a place you're not in yet, a lot easier to sustain something you started.


Capitalizing on fresh starts is basically what New Year's resolutions are all about. It's any clean slate moment. Whether it's a breakup and your day-to-day suddenly looks different, the beginning of a new season, a new move, or even the start of a new day. It's whenever your environment forces you to start anew, it's the best time to implement a major behavioral change. Especially when it comes to codependency, we're less likely to pick up or do that thing when our backdrop and triggers around us have changed. Having a break in identity makes it easier to break old habits. So sorry all resolution naysayers, science backs it up! No time is better than a NEW time.



Another very common hiccup that happens is when our resolution has all this beautiful momentum and everything is going as planned, then we lose steam. Because let's face it, making changes and keeping up good behavior is exhausting! So the solution there is simple: set shorter durations. No drinking/smoking/vaping/[insert vice] for two weeks instead of an indefinite "from here on out." Start there. Build up a history of achievements to help your momentum and confidence to keep going. She also recommended what is called temptation bundling, which is when you deny yourself a very simple pleasure, like your favorite snack or a hangout with a friend, and you only do it after the thing you dread as a reward. I do this when I create a new Playlists. I make a fun playlist, or have a podcast queued up, but I can only listen to it when I'm on my run. Studies show you're way more motivated to get out the door to do the thing you hate when the thing you love is dangled right next to it.


Then my favorite, implementing slack days from the get go. Which helps avoid shame or disappointment in yourself when you slip up.  It's already in the algorithm and expected.  Dr. Shankar calls it "Emergency Reserves." So smart!! Any foolproof business plan has a buffer, our goals should be treated the same.



So, some fun scientifically proven tips to start the year off. This week, let's have fun with this advice, sneaking in rewards by mixing in gnarly burns followed by oozy releases. Giving you agency by letting you drive and choose your challenge, then allowing this first month of the New Year to be something to capitalize on! The ultimate head-to-toe reset, we'll push all the buttons! The little ones in our stabilizers, flip switch in our glutes, the dimmer switch in our core, that muscle you lit up and didn't know existed. I'm excited to swivel, pivot, and roll into this new year together. You all are definitely my temptation bundle every time. When I'm tired and not sure I have the energy, the second I see your faces come into the studio, that's the reward that keeps me going.


Here again is the link to that Dr. Shankar interview on Shaping Goals: https://open.spotify.com/episode/00aQ7eNtqkUdqCvuNTtIsC?si=jgrzGxFRRKaIXKAIw3DhrA


Excited to make your bodies sweat, smile, and turn your resolutions into your personal revolution


XO,

Celeste


Also, Happy Martin Luther King Day. A civil rights activist who demonstrated approach orientation, flexed his agency and human rights—he had "a dream" and unwavering stamina to see it through.



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© 2023 by Celeste Caliri. Seattle and Beyond.

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