You Don't Need a Big Vocabulary to Say Sorry

Whether you are a mom, celebrated your mom or mother-figure in your life, or might have a more complicated relationship with motherhood and focused on taking care of yourself, either way weekends like we just had can be a reflective one.

My daughter is at an age now where she can officially write, by herself without us needing to be in the same room. She actually prefers it this way. So cards from her have all new unfiltered character, with less dripping glue and more completed sentences. The spelling might not be "grate" but it's all there. Perfectly expressed and still hilarious. I think about how much time it takes take me to write to someone that means a lot to me. How much time it would take me to pick a card out for them, and then how simple the process is for her. The lane from heart to pen is traffic free. The decision on what to say is made in seconds. According to Noemie's card, she can fit how she loves that I drive her to skateboarding and that I make her apple bacon sandwiches in the same sentence. Both sentiments are true and barely need a comma.

I often think about how different our world would look if adults communicated that easily: no procrastination, suppressed feelings, or egos in the way. The valves are open, and the ability to express your needs and show gratitude is without hesitation. I came across an old blog that summed up this sentiment pretty perfectly. It describes a sticky situation that I know every single mom has experienced at one point. Coming off Mother's Day, it's just a reminder of how moments as a mom can seem very complicated when you're deep in it, but from a bird's-eye, or more a wide-eyed child's, point of view, it's pretty simple.

Written almost exactly 3 years ago...

Written April 2022

Wow, what a way to cap off April. A month that’s required a whole lot of patience. Pending thaw out, pending schedule shifts, pending travel plans, pending shifts from shitty to shipshape. This whole month has felt like a spinning wheel where the more you try to click frantically to speed it up, it actually makes it go slower. 

What happens when we’re not patient. Let me tell you a story about the most adorable but least patient species on the planet, 3yr olds. Last Friday I received a message from Noémie’s daycare that she had gotten into a heated “altercation” with another classmate. There were zero details except the other parents were notified immediately, nails were clipped, things were resolved quickly, and Noémie is completely fine now but she does have “some scratches” on her face. I later learned that it was over a toy, they both wanted it, Noémie got it (she can be really focused and fast when she wants to be). She tucked it under her arm, blocked with her other arm, and spun away like a quarterback making a run for it. Since my little girl happens to be built like a little Linebacker there was no chance of sacking her so out of desperation her tiny little buddy got pretty scrappy.  One emotional impatient action followed by an emotional impatient response.

When I picked her up at daycare that day I discovered these scratches were not that little and they were more than “some.”  However Noémie was smiling and completely unaffected, then she did an excellent recap. She wouldn't share a toy, she knows it was wrong. Her buddy scratched her. He knows it was wrong. They both were sad when it happened but then they both were accountable and said sorry to each other.

They are no longer sad. Conflict resolved. Literally … the END.

What’s interesting is something similar happened to me, the adult version of this scenario in that same week. Mama and daughter going through parallel experiences.  It was all hidden under very professional and passive aggressive language but it was still all there.  I was sprinting down the field with a ball tucked under my arm, which caused impatient emotional responses, then led to desperate scrappiness.  In the end it definitely left scratches, but instead of being on my face they were left on my faith and trust I once had with the other person. Which sucks. 

The one thing that’s missing in my scenario, and a LOT of adult scenarios, is the accountability part. Something the 3yr olds knew to do immediately, but takes mature adults WAY too long - if at all. Just saying a simple: “That made me sad.  That was wrong. I’m sorry.” 

So while I sit here with with unhealed scratches on my conscience (still holding the football though! With a very tired death grip!!), there are two 3 yr olds playing happily like new best friends, with totally healed faces and hearts. 

This week let's not over complicate it. Let’s continue to move patiently like mature adults, but also courageously like 3yr olds. So when we inevitably make mistakes we can take fully learn and heal from them🩹👧👦.

”Mama. I feel better.”

~ Noémie walking home from daycare with fresh scratches all over her face. 

Excited to make your bodies sweat and smile. 

Hearts opened and nails clipped.

XO,

Celeste